Safety
by Ethan-Silas
Summary: Lily may love James, but she will always love Snape.


Lily stood in the middle of Sev's bedroom, crimson hair long and flowing, mud brown dress dancing in the air of the heater she stood in front of, below the window she was looking out of.  
Sev stopped walking and dropped his messenger bag. Lily didn't turn around.  
"Lil?" Sev said, taking a step forward.  
"Do you love me, Sev? Are you in love with me?"  
Sev sucked in a breath and frowned in confusion. Where was this coming from? The Slytherin walked forward and put his hand on her hip from behind.  
"Of course," he said gently. Lily turned to look up at him.  
"We're almost sixteen." Lily pointed out. She looked... Determined.  
"Yes," agreed Sev with a small smile.  
"And we've almost taken our O.W.L.s," she continued.  
"Almost," Sev concurred. Where was any of this coming from.  
"I love you, too, Sev," Lily said gently.  
Sev sucked in a breath as he looked into Lily's colorful eyes and shuddered as the entire world stopped.  
And then his lips were on hers. She was only eight centimeters shorter than him, so it was easy to melt their lips together. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned as the kiss went from awkward to passionate quickly.  
Sev picked her up and she giggled in surprise against his mouth, and he gently lay her on his neat, grey bed. It creaked. He gathered her under him and watched her crimson hair spread over the monochrome sheets.  
He bit her lip gently and she wrapped her legs around his waist, like a vice, and Sev groaned and dug his fingers into her fleshy bum. She cooed her approval and started to unbutton his shirt.  
"What are you doing?" He asked as she pushed off his flannel to reveal a pale, lightly toned abdomen sprinkled with curls.  
"Taking what I want," Lily said. She undid his belt.  
"How far-"  
"All the way," Lily's eyes glittered up at Sev before she pushed his dark jeans down.  
Before she could pull off his shorts, Sev kicked his clothes off the bed and slid her dress up over her head. Underneath, she wore only old, worn knickers, and Sev paused to take in the sight with a deep inhale through his nose.  
She had skin as colorless as his and softer than snow, and gentle pink nipples that strained for Sev's ministrations. Her waist was shaped perfectly like an hourglass under her breasts, each a handful, and her hips came out round despite the hipbones that poked outwards, and her legs, still around his waist, were long and strong. Sev rubbed her thighs and, in a rush of courage, ripped her knickers off of her. She gasped as his greedy eyes took in her short crimson curls, and moaned when his long, thin fingers rubbed her in her most private of areas.  
She was so very ready for him, he decided, and leaned forward to press his lips to hers. They drank from one another as Sev climbed out of his boxers and lubricated himself with his lily flower's sweet dew, before sinking into her.  
He took her for as long as he could before he couldn't withhold himself anymore. She bled, he noticed mildly, but when he tried to stop she begged him to take her, green eyes rolling back, and so he did. She finished as he did, and they were both sweating when he rolled off of her. She rolled on top of him and pulled the sheets over them, and there they slept soundly.

* * *

 _Mudblood._ Lily was a mudblood to Sev? She was almost running away, into the castle, when Alice Fortescue caught her arm.  
"Lils? What's wrong?" Alice asked, a frown on her pretty red-painted lips. Lily looked into her best friend's eyes for a long, hard moment, a million feelings crossed her mind, not the least of which being hatred, self-pity, and absolute pain.  
And then, right in front of the grounds, Lily started to weep. Pure shock flooded Alice's pretty face as Lily wrapped herself around her fellow Gryffindor, weeping into her, until Alice held her and comforted her.  
"I lost my virginity to him," Lily whispered after she'd explained what had just happened to Alice.  
"You-what! When?" Alice asked, floored. "Christmas break," Lily said quietly. "I love him, Al. I love him so much..."  
"Maybe this is for the best," Alice said. Lily laughed a harsh, humorless laugh, and Alice stroked her hair. "He's been doing some very bad things. If you stop talking to him for those very bad things, maybe he'll stop doing those very bad things in favor for you."  
Lily swallowed. "You think?"  
"I do, sweetie, and then you can be together." Alice smiled and tilted her head, blonde pigtails tipping to the side.  
"I thought you didn't like him," Lily said gently, wiping her eyes.  
"I don't, but I know you do. Besides, one less Death Eater for me to fight," Alice grinned. Lily felt hope swell up in her chest, and found it in her to smile gently.

* * *

Lily found it very hard to ignore Sev, especially when his attempts to win her back grew more and more desperate. He would run after her in the hallways, beg and plead during classes, bring her flowers and chocolates and even jewelry, confess his love and even, once or twice, cry. The Marauders- those bloody bastards- hounded him even more for it. But Sev did not stop going around with the Death Eaters, and Lily did not tell him that that was the condition to their friendship. She didn't feel that she should have to.  
The summer was rather easy. She stayed in her house and told her parents not only to not let Sev in, but to not tell her when he tried to. Tunie often came home with gifts from Sev, and she was always rather confused as to why she brought them... Lily was livid to find that she took the lemonade he offered her. It was probably half potion.

* * *

"Black and Pettigrew," Slughorn began to assign groups for a Potions project. The two Gryffindors rammed their shoulders into each other, grinning and whooping.  
"Malfoy and Umbridge," Lucius Malfoy looked over his nose at the short stumpy Slytherin decked in pink.  
"Snape and Fortescue," Alice, who sat beside Lily, looked over at Sev, who met her eyes before looking desperately at Lily.  
"Lupin and Mulciber," Remus tensed as Mulciber sneered, and Lily was filled with disgust.  
"Evans and Potter," Lily groaned audibly as James high-fived Sirius. Sev could be heard muttering to Avery, whom he sat beside.  
The pairing continued, but Lily couldn't be bothered to listen.

* * *

Potter never stopped making advances on Lily. He was incorrigible, but as time went on and she was forced to spend more and more time with him, she had to admit that he had a good heart, a great mind, and a nearly flawless sense of humor. None of that, she told herself, made up for the hamartia that was, ultimately, his hatred for Sev.  
"Maybe," Alice mused, "You should give Potter a go,"  
"What!" Lily roared, in her bed in their dorm. "Have you gone absolutely mad, or-"  
"If simply ignoring Snape isn't working, maybe pretending to fancy his rival would give him a necessary jolt." Alice explained.  
Lily thought for a minute, about Sev's easy laugh, his soft, cool touch, his lovely, obsidian eyes. She could picture the absolute adoration and love in those beautiful eyes, could feel the emotion radiating off of him whenever he was around her. She pictured the absolute terror and guilt and fear in them as he begged her for another chance. Then, she heard Potter's brilliant, insane, beautiful mind spouting things about their potion as he, like a madman, added this and that as they carried on their quest to create a new potion. She could hear his boyish laugh, see his innocent eyes, feel the pure courage and boldness that made him stand so tall. Lily was absolutely flustered, absolutely confused, and no amount of thinking about Potter's cruel jokes or his awful spells could change the fact that Lily had just realized she'd developed feelings for a boy she had thought she hated, for the bane of her ex best friend's existence; it only made her feel guilty and sad and oh-so-small.  
"Maybe," Lily whispered. She kept to herself the rest of the sentence; _Maybe, if I see the bloke, these ridiculous feelings will go away._

* * *

In class. For Sev to see. To help him realize. Lily was pure nerves as she walked into the Potions dungeon. She was terrified... She was no Gryffindor. She was weak.  
"James," Lily had never called him that, and it was odd. He'd always been Potter.  
James straightened in his seat, looking up at her as she stopped beside him. Sev was staring.  
"Lily," he responded in a chipper voice. He'd never called her that, and it was odd to hear her name from his lips.  
"Do you still want to- I mean- do you still- fancy me, or whatever?" Lily asked, raising her chin. Black raised his brows and Lupin cleared his throat. All of the Marauders were surprised.  
Even arrogant James, though he recovered quickly. "Now more than ever," he said quietly.  
"Alright. Good. I..." Lily looked at Alice, who smiled encouragingly. James stood, and he was very close to Lily. Lily took a small step back.  
"Would you like to go out with me, Lily Evans?" James asked, a childish hope in his hazel eyes.  
"I... Yes. James. Potter." Lily said. James grinned and swooped down, his hand flying to her cheek. He kissed her, long and hard, and Lily couldn't help but realize that she liked it very, very much.  
Snape never tried to talk to Lily ever again, only watched as Lily slowly fell in love with James Potter.

* * *

Alice paced back and forth in her dorm. Lily was out to watch James play Quidditch, but Marlene and Emmeline were in the dorm with her.  
"I can't believe you did that," Marlene said gently.

"Me either," Emmeline said in her superior voice. "Snape is hideous."  
"Lily loved him, and you purposefully-" Marlene continued.  
"No! Not purposefully. I thought I was helping. I didn't think it would drive them apart-"  
"But you hoped it would," Marlene argued, furious. Alice stopped. "What kind of friend does that? Breaks up people who have been in love since, like, age five. All because she thinks the guy is kind of cute?" Marlene stood.  
"But now she's happy with James-" Alice defended.  
"She's in a relationship _built_ on a _lie_! She was trying to _use_ him! How _could_ you!?" Marlene shrieked.  
"Please don't tell Lily," begged Alice.  
Marlene looked at Alice for a long time, face full of rage. Emmeline was picking at her nails, bored. Alice was near tears. "Fine," Marlene spat, shaking her head so that her brown hair shook. "But only because I'm a much better friend than you." Marlene left.

* * *

Alice sat next to Snape in the otherwise empty library. He gave her a small, polite smile, and leaned over his notes.  
He really was handsome. His hair was a bit long, a bit greasy, but he had wonderful bones and pretty, dark eyes that contrasted wonderfully with his hueless complexion. He wore his white button down with the sleeves rolled up and nice trousers. His face held a look of calm concentration, and he looked like pure intelligence.  
"Snape," Alice said, heart thumping. He looked up, surprised to be interrupted.  
"Yes?" he said after a moment, when Alice didn't continue.  
Alice leaned forward and pressed her lips to Snape's, but he instantly flew back and looked down at her, furious.  
"What in the-"  
"What? We're both lonely, and we're young- it's only natural-" Alice began, cheeks burning cherry red.  
"I'm in love with your best friend," snapped Snape. Alice's mouth moved, but no words came out. Snape began to quickly gather his things.  
"I will finish the potion and put both of our names on it," Snape started walking away. "Leave me alone."  
Alice began to cry. She'd betrayed her best friend, and all for naught.

* * *

Life with James was good. Great, even. They bought a pretty house in Godric's Hollow, and while James' childish, adorable, absolutely good heart didn't quite fill up the hole left by Sev in Lily's, it did have it's own spot that was just as big.  
It was their wedding night, and they were in the house for the first night. Lily sat on the bed in her wedding dress, feeling half ecstatic and half despondent.  
James sensed this, as he always did, and sat beside her.  
"What's wrong, little Lily flower?"  
Lily's eyes squeezed shut. "Sev used to call me that," she whispered gently. She felt his warm hand on hers.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." James kissed her temple.  
"I love you," Lily started. "But I love him, too. I don't think there will ever be a time where I don't,"  
"That's... Alright, Lily. I can't say that I understand, exactly, but... I love you. I'm in love with you, and I would do anything to be with you. Even if you only loved him, and not me. Because you're worth it. I would give up my life, and everything in it, to make you happy."  
Lily's face screwed up and she started to cry. "I know, James. That's why I married you, and not him. He wouldn't. He couldn't. If he wants the darkness more than he wants me..." Lily whimpered, then wiped her eyes. "I only want him to be happy. I want you to be happy, too- I don't know how to explain how I feel-"  
"I think I understand what you mean," James said with a small smile.  
And then Lily told him everything. How they met, how he was her salvation who rescued her from her dull world, how he helped her with everything at Hogwarts and always listened, how he babied her and made her feel special even when she felt her worst from Tunie, how he adored her loved her and- how, in fifth year- he'd taken her virginity. Lily told James about her and Alice's plan and, reluctantly, she admitted the reason she'd started seeing James. She went on to explain how her feelings for James had grown, how her feelings for Sev never shrunk but almost took a backseat to James', and how she came to think as James as her world, how she'd come to adore the four boys she had once hated, and she was weeping. James held her and shushed her and told her it was all okay, it would always be okay.  
They didn't consummate their marriage that night. James put her into her pajamas and made her tea and tucked her into bed and sang to her in his not-so-perfect voice until Lily slowly fell asleep, and for once she didn't feel guilty for taking his love.  
The next morning, Lily kissed James until he woke up, and she didn't mind his morning breath. He kissed her back and toyed with her hair, not minding hers, and their limbs tangled together until Lily didn't know where he stopped and she began. The room was bright and she moaned as they kissed, as James went down on her with his mouth, as James pressed himself into her and took her all morning long. She curled into him when they were done, and despite how glad she was that they were married, she was even gladder that her virginity would always be safely with her best friend, Sev.

* * *

Snape was dying. He knew he was. "Take them," he begged Harry, eyes crying his memories. The young boy, with fear in those gorgeous green eyes, did as he was bade, after getting a phial from Granger. Snape didn't want Harry to go- he wanted to die looking into Lily's beautiful, perfect eyes- but he knew the boy didn't have long. "Go," Snape gargled as blood filled his lungs, as pain seared his neck and his chest. "Go."  
And then, Snape died there, in a place he hated next to two children he hated, his last conversation being with a boy he hated, in a life he hated, in a life he regretted, all because he had said one word, once, and never again in his life.  
Snape died not knowing how much Lily loved him until her own death. He died not knowing why she betrayed him. He died knowing only that he hated himself as much as he thought Lily had.


End file.
